Now the rain has gone

On Sunday, something happened which I don't really understand, suddenly, quite unexpectedly, my whole perspective changed. I was doing my usual thinking, probably around whether there was anything I should or shouldn't do to move the situation on. Maybe I was feeling bad because he suffers so much, and he loses so much in the process. When suddenly my mind changed subject and direction and 'told me' that he should be the one doing all the thinking, he should be trying to work out what he needs to do to put his life back on track, he should be reflecting and working out what it all means. It was as if my mind, without any help from me had just decided it had had enough of me thinking as if I owned the relationship, and for the first time ever I could see that he owned it too, and I didn't have to be thinking for two. It was like a weight lifted from me, I could feel it, it was so weird. In an attempt to understand what happened, I know I will sound mad when I say it, but I now wonder whether I was picking up on N's feelings as I have done before. Had he come out of the depression and suddenly the red mist had cleared?

From the first moment we met (as noted in Simply a man below) I have been able to feel N's feelings, even across miles. On one occasion, we had been 'on a break' with no contact for several weeks, I was driving when I suddenly felt a deep ache in my chest, not a pain, more of a yearning, without warning I started to cry and at that very moment received a text from N asking if we could meet up. 

Often, I would experience feelings which I knew didn't belong to me, it could be a tightness across my chest or an emptiness, or a heavy feeling or a jittery feeling and if I asked N, he confirmed they were his feelings.

One situation was more weird than any other. We had been reunited after an 8 week break, and every time I was kissing N, I had a 'yearning' feeling in a particularly odd place on my body, I kept dismissing it, it was feeling I didn't understand. A few weeks later, N told me that the woman he had been with during our break up used to touch him there.....I was feeling his sexual feelings! 
On another occasion, I was at work, towards the end of the day, an ok day, when I suddenly started to cry, without reason. When I spoke to my partner later, he'd had some bad news at that time and too had been crying.  

p.s Still crying daily, not helped by the release of The Script album