For the record

Our first married Valentine day, after my upset about not receiving a card, and his genuine     concern and assurance he would get me one, a week later, nothing. Then I reminded, then nice words.

• Bad mood on 3rd day of honeymoon, on the way to New Forrest, in Cork, in Greece, at Bootleg Beatles concert, on the way to Cheltenham festival, anger before Marrakesh (no Marrakesh), Seth Lakeman in Regents park (no SL) , headache and mood at St Fagans, whenever we are at my sisters, when friend from Ireland visited, when we visited her and fixed the cables but couldn't even talk about the PC,when we met for drinks at Epsom, all around Italy, when the kids were around,  
• He said I don't want to keep traipsing across the country visiting people, I don't want to keep going away ...... Greece, Turkey, Fuerte ventura, Dublin, Paris, Tuscany, London, Edinburgh, Ireland, Norway...
• We didn't shop together, cook together, plan stuff together, talk about his job, the courses he would go on, the stuff about his house, the stuff about his dad, his mum and her money questions, my feelings about my mum, decorate without argument, build, love , share, book holidays without resentment.
• We couldn't talk about his moods, his worries, his dreams, his decisions, the kids, money, work. 
• We could do sex and talk about it, And when we didn't do it we couldn't talk about why.  
• We couldn't make progress in matters of his mental health, his stomach and diet, his headaches, the self inflicted injuries to his back, and knees, and foot, and other diet related problems
• I was hurt by his other women, his distraction, his need to sting me with words,  his lack of feeling, lack of commitment, contempt and resentment of me, preoccupation with porn rather than feelings, interest in UFC rather than life, lack of ability to apologise or acknowledge my hurt

And I liked
The way he loved me when he loved me, the pure joy I felt in him , the absolute happiness and the realisation of what happiness and security felt like, his vulnerability, I was made for him, I was supposed to be by his side to support him though the challenges this life gave him.
Our taste in music and films and leisure time (when he felt ok)